I have this thing with birthdays. It’s not a good thing. I guess I should be a little more clear, I really REALLY don’t like my birthday. That’s a silly thing to not like, right? Nothing traumatic happened. I wasn’t the kid who invited friends and nobody showed. I have good memories of my birthday as a child, but the older I got, the more I just did NOT like them! There’s a video somewhere in the cyber world of my best friend and I crying because we were turning 18 and our world was over, life sucked, we sucked, etc. High school…amirite?
I’ve spoken about this briefly with my therapist (therapy is cool my friends) and really believe I’ve created some majorly-distorted-expectations or something in relation to my birthday which causes me to break down into a lovely anxiety attack of sorts each year. Ask Merik, he can attest to this. My 23rd birthday was a beautiful combination of me huddled up in a ball sobbing while attempting to drive off the road. That’s not even a little bit exaggerated.
You’re probably wondering where I’m going with this…queen of word vomit over here. 👋
I made a goal this year to make 2018 different. Vague, I know, but it works for me. I wanted to find a better way to manage my anxiety and change my outlook on the trials I have been given. To find a more optimistic approach to change. To allow myself to accept celebration and praise (who else has a hard time with this?) and to enjoy where I’m at in each moment.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
For the first time in YEARS, I didn’t deal with even a smidge of doubt, self-deprecation, depression, or sadness on my birthday!
I told Merik that he can take me to Disneyland for my birthday, and we did just that! We also brought along a few of my siblings for the ride. It was stressful being in charge of people, and trust me, there were bad moments, but it was also so fantastic! Treating my younger siblings to a fun getaway and experiencing firsts with my sisters little family was such a treat. Having complete strangers tell you “happy birthday!” every five seconds in Disneyland is comical and cute all at the same time. I treated myself to one-too-many churros and enjoyed being with the people I love in what is truly one of the happiest places on earth.
So, here are some reminders to myself for my 24th year:
- laugh more
- be patient
- remember things will work out
- show people you love them
- pat yourself on the back every once-in-a-while
- read more
- remember you’re always growing
- create the change you want in your life
- treat each day like the perfect gift that it is
- LOVE EVERYONE
cheers!